One in a Million

Here's a question: are we really that different?

I mean people in general. I'm not talking about likes or dislikes, or experiences, or talents or skills. I'm talking about when you really strip away everything else about a person and look at the bare bones. We all have the same basic flaws. We're human after all. We're far from perfect, and we all sin in the same ways. Jealousy, judging, lying, baseless anger. Everyone has experienced those. I know for a fact that each one of us is "one in a million". The question is, where is the emphasis, the "one" or the "million"? Are we really so different from 999,999 other people, or are we just part of a mass? Both? Neither?
I certainly like to think I'm different, but I'm really not. I mean, the thing is, the only thing that sets us apart is how we react to how we feel, but in the end, we all feel the same way. Sure, it's about different things at different times, but anger is anger. Grief is grief. We were all built the same way, with the same mold. We all like to think we're special, that we make a difference, but it's so hard to really believe that when...nothing happens.
Life isn't a novel. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.

Back To Where We Started

Song time! This one is about multiple things, but partly about my overanalytical mind :) The other parts I'll just let you speculate endlessly...


This whole thing, it’s a circle
My exit leads not to the end
Yet I’m still frantically running
Using strength I can’t spend

In this life, the edge is sharp
Of the pain that comes with care
It makes me wonder what’s the point
If it’s something I can’t share?

Back to the waiting
Back to the doubt
Back to the box where
I can’t get out

Back to the beginning
Back to the start
Back to the love that
Picks sense apart

Nothing, not much to do
Forced to sit here with my mind
Pondering its way to nowhere
I don’t know what it might find

In this heart, there’s no telling
How far goes its depth
All it takes to go off the edge
Is one tiny little step

Back to the waiting
Back to the doubt
Back to the box where
I can’t get out

Back to the beginning
Back to the start
Back to the love that
Picks sense apart

I have to pause and think of this
What exactly my mouth is saying
The important thing to consider here is
How high a price my heart is paying

Just think of this
Just think of this
What would you do
If I stopped
Who would love you?

When all your pain is laid bare
Who would love you?

Leadership schmeadership

Oh how I love leadership thingies. We get to listen to Mr. Mason talk about "good leadership qualities" for about an hour while he insults our apparently horrible marching and expecting exquisite perfection. What better way is there to spend a Saturday afternoon? I always get easily bored with his little speeches, either because I've heard it before or I can figure out everything for myself. It's really not that hard, but apparently some people are just stupid. Or he just thinks we're stupid. Whatever.

On a slightly happier note, I went shopping afterwards for the first time in a longggggggg time. In a whole year, I haven't really bought much clothes-wise, so it was pretty fun. Unfortunately my stamina for shopping is extremely low, and after the first store, I was ready to go home. We did actually buy a lot of stuff at that store though, so I guess I can explain myself. I also bought some new tennis shoes because my old ones (that I've had sense at least 8th grade, sadly, and have survived 3 years of marching band) mysteriously disappeared somewhere between my room and the band slot room. Probably in the slot room, because once you lose something there, you're never getting it back - in fact, I'm sure there's some kind of wormhole that sucks random things into oblivion when it feels like it (and no, I'm not talking about the Trumpet Hole, but that's also a likely source of near-permanent loss). Anyway, my new shoes are cool because they have a random bright lime green design on it. Hooray for being unique! (or weird, whatever).

I saw this shirt in the men's section that had reasons for "why guys are freaking cool" or something like that. Some of the funny ones were "We 'do' our nails with a pocket knife" and "Everything on our face stays its natural color". But one of the ones that I had to pause at was "We get credit for the smallest act of thoughtfulness". That's kinda sad - I mean, the stereotypical man is crude and tough and mean, which is true in most cases, but they're not 100% like that...but apparently being nice to someone is NOT a sign of manliness. I think it's the other way around. If a guy is actually nice to all the people he meets (okay, all is stretching it...just most would be okay too) then I think he is definitely "freaking cool". It's just kind of pathetic that women are seen as the ones that are always nice and caring and...well, motherly, and that all of those things are apparently signs of weakness. No wonder our world is so messed up.

I had a good name for this blog, but with the way my layout is, I don't have it on here. It's "Why don't you come right out and say it" from a song by - never mind, I don't even need to say it. I'm sure you can guess. Speaking of the layout, like that random eye picture? I think it's kinda cool, but that could just be me. Or because it's MY eye. Yeah. Shush.

I had something deepish to say, but I forgot it so...I'm gonna go write more of my story. Toodles.

Oh goodie. Another one.

I never got into this blog thing. I mean, I'm the last person to go around telling people about how I feel, unless it's something stupid like how I hate school or I'm tired or yadda yadda. I hate sharing my problems with people, because I can never believe that they fully understand - not that it's their fault in any way, it's just how things are.

So...why did I just create one? I dunno, you would know as well as I would. Usually I get all my emotions out by writing a story, but sometimes that just doesn't work, especially if...you finished it, heh. But doing a blog thing like this, to me it's like you think your life is important enough to shout its events to the world. I know people don't care about my life, and I don't care that they don't care. I really don't. I just don't want them thinking that I'm one of those people that feel like they have to spell out every event of their day in detail, like someone is hanging on to their every word. How many people have lives like that, anyway? Unless you care a lot about a person, you're not gonna pay attention. I'm not sure if that's a problem or not in our world, but I do know that people need to care just a little bit more about the people they encounter, especially on a daily or weekly basis. Just think about how important and complex your life is to you - all of your memories, feelings, relationships, problems. Every single person has a life like that, you just don't know about it as well as your own (obviously, der). Every single person is dealing with their own thoughts and troubles, and has their own little quirks and whatnot. We all treat others like they're just tools for us to use. I do it. You do it. Everyone does it to some degree. Let's try to do it a little less, yes?

Anyway. I don't feel like talking about my life right now. Maybe later I'll put up the song I wrote a couple days ago, but right now I feel like doing something productive. Like...writing a story? Pfft.

Oh, speaking of stories. Geocities is apparently closing, which is where I have my story website. I get to move it all to Freewebs (or "Webs" now, I guess) in my ample free time (are you detecting the sarcasm here?) so it doesn't die. But until then, I guess it doesn't hurt having the website up here, even though anyone who reads this knows about it already and has probably read it to some degree...so yeah.

http://www.geocities.com/thepointoffeeling/home.html